Stupid Pet Products: Poop Freeze Aerosol Spray

Did you think that dog thongs and dog weight loss pills were weird?

Well, then, you ain’t seen NOTHING yet.

Low and behold…

The Poop Freeze Aerosol Freeze Spray!!!.

Crazy? Perhaps. Weird? Maybe.

An aerosol spray can to freeze your dog’s poop. Why? So you can pick it up and throw it away.

Does it work?

Here’s what the users had to say in the reviews:

You know those cans of air you buy to clean your keyboards & other things? Try turning one of those cans upside down and spraying the poop -couple of blasts – each about 5 seconds works great! That and a putty knife lifts it right off the carpet!

Doesn’t do the job of hardening or drying up the poop enough to pick up right away. You still have to give it time to air dry, which defeats the purpose…

The spray does at least partially freeze the poop all canine owners need to responsibly pickup, but it falls well short of the product claims. My family has used it under varying weather conditions and had uneven results, though we have precisely followed the directions. It is most effective (provided the directions are followed exactly) on very solid stool and least effective on soft/running stool. The obvious problem is the latter is exactly why one would purchase the product. We bought it to do a more thorough job picking up after our dogs on a multi-use trail. We bike with our dogs (using Walky Dog) and like to leave the trail as clean as possible for others and to ensure dogs continue to be permitted to use the trail. The product did not help as much as we had hoped. When our multi-can supply runs out, I don’t think we will purchase more.

They don’t explain you not only have to take the can out but then find and put the straw on..not easy with 1,2,3 or 4 dogs on leashes. Then the item does freeze the mess but also the grass. Also you need to turn the item over and freeze the back “according to the instructions”.. I have been unable to do this. I guess its an art… like… flipping pancakes. The freeze spray does help but don’t expect it to be anything like the commercial

Ha! Fools don’t REALLY understand the mind of a true genius.

That’s not what the creator of the Poop Freeze Aerosol Freeze Spray REALLY intended.

 

If you freeze your dog poop and throw it away, you’re wasting VALUABLE resources.

In fact, frozen dog poop can be used for:

1) Energy source for a jet pack

Frozen dog poop is portable AND high in methane. Harness its energy for personal air travel.

 

But make sure your dog hasn’t eaten any Taco Bell, otherwise, the excess gas producing effects from the beans will cause your dog poop to go into nuclear meltdown upon adding heat:

 

Not only will your neighbors be pissed, but you might have a smelly commute all the way to your office on your jet pack.

2) Defense mechanism: protect your loved ones against raging lunatic attackers

Dog poop, when frozen to a solid piece, is almost as legthal as… well, frozen dog poop.

Is there a raging lunatic trying to harm your family?

 

Have NO fear. Frozen dog poop is here!

Fling the rock hard dog poop at the approaching attacker’s face, and one of two things will happen

  1. He will be so disgusted that he will actually run away. Now, you are safe.
  2. He will be so confused that it will actually paralyze his brain, thus giving you enough time to call 911, get a sandwich, take a nap, do your taxes, and come back to watch the bad man get arrested. Now you are safe.

Warning: This method will not work on pirate attackers because pirates

  1. have peg legs that can be used to deflect the flying frozen dog poop – if they karate-style-roundhouse kick the poop back to YOUR face, YOU will be paralyzed.
  2. are known to enjoy frozen dog poop as a delicacy

3) Take over the world

Frozen dog poop is so malleable and flexible that you can shape it into any physical form, including politicians.

Why not take over the world with your own army of drone politicians made from frozen dog poop?

After you have completed your conquest of the world, you can celebrate your victory by drinking milk with your co-conspirator:

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